Breakup Etiquette

Until recently, the phrase "breakup etiquette" was more foreign to me than the concept of deep fried twinkies (yet equally unappetizing). A good friend's breakup has lead me to question the "rules" of post-breakup behavior. What are these rules? Who wrote them? Where can I get a copy?

Breakups are a tricky thing as one world transitions back into two during awkward exchange of socks and cds. Neither party knows exactly what to say, or when to say it. Customarily there is a grace period between first breakup and last goodbye, allowing each member to cool there jets, self reflect, construct apologies, and beg for forgiveness. What happens when that grace period doesn't exist?

How are two beings expected to coexist when one ignores the so called "space" the terminated relationship needs?

The problem I see is this: there are no rules.

Nowhere does is say "Thou shall not call for 48 hours after breakup," "Thou shall not fear ex's decision to take up krav maga," "Thou shall throw ex's dirty laundry in closest dumpster."

Therefore, with no rules, or rather, guidelines, we are left in the dark wondering if our actions fit into this neat little box with a time stamp on it revolving around said dumpage.

So to this I say scrap the crap about breakup etiquette. Do unto your new ex as you would have him/her do unto you. There is no proper dumping, so why waste the time fretting? No one expects you to act like a lady or gentleman. There are no finishing schools for this stuff, so tip your hats adieu, go about your lives, and let a new relationships (and most likely new breakups) ensue.

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