An Intimate Affair

I find myself sitting here at nearly 2:00 am watching back episodes of Burn Notice, and rather than thinking about Bruce Campbell's unfortunate beer gut and Miami Beach lounge wear, my mind is consumed with pubic hair. Dear reader, I warn you now, this post may seem crass or dirty or just plain gross, but when Bobbi's got a problem, Bobbi's gotta vent.

I have decided female pubic hair should be illegal. I'll extrapolate. Last night I enjoyed an entire trough of hot and sour soup at my favorite Chinese joint, and of course found my bladder in need of relief. As I enter the public restroom the restaurant shares with the parking garage next door, not one, not two, but all six toilets in the stalls presented me with a gift in the form of pube covered seats.

Now I am not sure that a similar occurrence could happen in the men's room--I don't exactly frequent men's rooms, but I am sure men would be equally disgusted. Yes I know we must work harder, actually pulling down our pants and sitting down to relieve ourselves, but because of that must we be so lazy to not properly dispose of any stray hairs? And after a little flush is it really too much to as to just do a little seat wipe down? You can't think it is gross if it is your own hair. And if you do think it is gross, maybe you shouldn't have any anyway.

So maybe it doesn't need to be outlawed, but I'm thinking a serious campaign for proper pubic grooming, maintenance and cleanup needs to be considered. You wouldn't pee on the seat and just leave it there like a drunk frat brother. You wouldn't clip your toenails and leave the little buggers on the kitchen counter, so why not just properly dispose of your curly q's.

Now. Was that really so much to ask?

Clean Up for the Cheap and Lazy

Got the ironing board blues?

Take your slightly unsightly blouse and trousers into the bathroom during your morning shower. Hang them on the outside of the shower curtain, away from any fly away suds. The steam from the shower will help release wrinkles and make the time-tested 30 second "hand ironing" more effective.

Scuffed pumps?

Attack shoe blemishes with a tube of toothpaste and paper towel. Buff away the scuff in a matter of minutes, and reap the benefits of clean shoes and minty toes.

Foggy mirror?

If the fog from your morning shower (or ironing) slows down your makeup and hair routine, try applying some of your man's shaving cream to the mirror. Rub a small amount all over the mirror, and wipe clean with a towel. The thin layer will prevent the mirror from fogging so you can prevent your makeup from the dreaded Picasso face.