I Put Some New Shoes On Today

Dear Blogosphere, Bobbi has a confession to make. Today I bought a pair of Reebok Easy Tones. Please, hold your giggles, your chocolate milks is gonna shoot out your nose, and boy does that hurt.

So I did it, I was seduced by the commercial of the skinny bitch with the nice butt who says my butt will look like hers if I wear her shoes.

Lady Foot Locker was possibly the most horrifying experience of my life, especially when the lady untied the shoes and tried to put them on my feet---I'm not a cripple here lady, I just want some trendy exercise shoes. She then added "you can't run in them, you'll twist an ankle." Oh darn. Another pair of shoes I can't run in. Aw shucks.

So now I'm wearing them, and I feel like I'm walking on sand, and my but doesn't hurt yet, and my feet only look mildly stupid. So $100 bucks later I find myself sitting, looking at my nice new shoes, wanting to run.

Owls and Cowls?

Bobbi is confused. In a fury of "it's too close to christmas to actually order gifts on time" shopping, I can't seem to escape owls and cowls. So I've written a poem about it.

Owls and Cowls about.
Too many for me to hide from.
Who made them trendy?

No, seriously kids, where in God's name are the owls and cowls coming from? It's everywhere, UO, Anthro, Etsy, EVERYWHERE.

So what's next? Frogs and Clogs? Fishes and Dishes? well?

Even my pals and I at At Home Hipster are exploring the Owl Cowl Craze.

Better Than a Mai Thai

So everyone knows Bobbi hates the gym, but Bobbi being the lady she is does not want to get fat. Getting fat is worse than marrying a republican. So this evening, browsing good ole Etsy, I came across quite possibly the most brilliant thing ever. A hula hoop shop. Yes, hand made hula hoops (who knew). What could be better for my figure than hula?

So it appears Lola runs The Hip Revolution which is quite possibly the coolest/craziest/most entertaining etsy store yet. Not only do these hoops come in a variety of epically named colors, Lola even sells hoop bags. I had no idea hula hoops had bags.

And, even better, The Hip Revolution is out of Olympia, I had no idea you could hula hoop in the rain.

The things you learn...If only I knew how to hula.

Holiday Dinner Dash

The time has come. It is just barely two weeks until the day in which a large majority of main stream folks celebrate a fat guy who brings gifts or a baby of immaculate conception. Either way, it means it is time for holiday parties and no one besides Brie Vandicamp and Martha Stewart have the time to prepare anything to take to a party. So, in traditional Bobbi Noodle fashion, I shall reveal the secrets to the holiday festivity foods...

CUPCAKES:
Get yourself a simple boxed mix, just not white or yellow--hello tacky.
Use half oil half butter.
Use given egg amount.
Add TWO teaspoons canned frosting--vanilla, chocolate, whatever works with your cake flavor---not white--once again, tacky.

The frosting adds mositure and fluff to your cupcakes making them just a little different. The crowd will have no idea they were made by Betty and not you.

FROSTING
Once again, not white--it's tacky. Any frosting you like is good, the whipped ones will seem tacky too, stick to traditionals and add to them--nuts, chips (chocolate, not Lays), a little flavoring--via coffee syrups or extracts. Also, food coloring will ALWAYS give you a fun, festive, homemade look.

BROWNIES
Slightly alter box directions-
Use given amount of eggs.
Cut water amound down by a third and bump up the oil.
Add two tablespoons of a flavored coffee syrup (vanilla, hazelnut, and raspberry work well)
Pour in pan and add a topping--pb, chips, chunks, nuts, reeses, whatever floats your boat.
Cut when cool with a PLASTIC knife. It helps them keep their shape.

PEPPERMINT BARK
My personal fav...
Melt dark chocolate chips in micro, spread evenly on a baking sheet. Freeze ten minutes.
Melt white chocolate chips in micro, spread evenly over dark chocolate layer.
Crush a few candy canes in a baggie, in a towel, with a happer, sprinkle on top of white chocolate. Freeze for another ten. Break and serve. Easy and theraputic.

And there you have it folks. Three ways to cheat yourself into a party that is bound to have food just as good if not better than your sorry excuse for "home baking."

xoxo
Bobbi

Bobbi's Guide to Fall

The leaves are changing--somewhere in the country, there is a chill in the air--east of the Rockies, and most importantly a new season of television has premiered. Thus, it can only be deduced that fall is upon us.
Like most autumn seasons, this year will be the year Bobbi stays on her shit, but before the season can really begin, I feel it is my right, no, my duty, to give my guidance to the rest of the cheap, chic world. So here goes nothing.

Numero Uno: Do not make rash decisions involving money while on major pain killers. This decision could result in a shotty new driveway or a myriad of used furniture off Craig's List that really has no place in your home.

The Duce: Home hair coloring kits: never go lighter on your own. It's like how Lauren Grahm says not to cut your own bangs. Just listen. Don't do it. I reccomend checking out the local beauty school for a cheap color.

3: Smile like you mean it at work. No one wants summer to be over. So just fake it, and beautiful things will start to happen.

Four: Do not buy your H-Day costume yet. Take the appropriate amount of time to mull. But don't wait until the 30th either.

V: As tempting as it may be in the Whole Food's checkout line, don't bother buying Martha's Halloween spooktacular. Yeah, it looks cool, but its a bunch of crap you could make without paying $6 and killing a tree. Use your imaginations, that what H. is all about.

666: A new pair of fall shoes--boots mainly--is not only important and fun, it is essential. So tell the judgemental men in your life to suck it and hit the Nine West outlet or the flea market.

7: Take a nod from the Emmy's and check out the winner's work. Haven't seen Mad Men, Big Love, or Tara? Check them out. Seriously, the talent, clothing, and story lines are worth it.

And finally...

Eight: Get crafty. This is the one time of year where it is totally legit to knit yourself into a heap like the craziest old lady in town, so why not embrace it.



Bobbi's Guide to Fall was brought to you from the knowlege and wisdom of Bobbi Noodle, all tips come from the personal experiences of Bobbi's trial and error in daily Fall life, so give them a thoughtful read.

Confessions of a Shoeaholic

Hi. I'm Bobbi [Noodle], and I'm an addict.

I think I began collecting shoes religiously five or so years ago, but it was not until this past summer that my addiction began to truly affect others.

I used to buy heels.  Sometimes they were little black Guess stilettos, or a pair of ballet flats that happened to be only 5 dollars.  But now, I've really gone and done it.

I'm Bobbi and I'm a bootaholic.

Uggs. Frye Boots. Cowboy boots of any shape and color, price is no object.  When I see them, it's like my pinky toe cries out "mine bitches!"

And just like that, the plastic jumps from the innards of my wallet and the boots are mine.  While there may not be any shame in owning a pair of thigh high mocchacins (they were on sale!), there is shame in the fact that my addiction cannot be conquered.  In fact, I'm not even sure where to begin overcomming addiction.  They don't make shoeaholics self-help books.  There are no boot-buyers support groups.  I think I'm on my own with this one.

It is moments like this my wallet and I long for my peanut butter addiction to return.  But until then, at least I'll go broke in style.

Time After Time

The blogasphere and I have spend a summer apart.  It has been sad and painful, and my desk drawer is fresh out of kleenex to wipe my teary eye.  My time apart from this world called Bobbi Noodle, has left me with no other thoughts than that of time itself.

Who ever said "time heals all?"  Whom ever it was, I want to sue.  I want a trillion dollars for false advertisement, because sometimes even time doesn't cut it. 

It seems we spend our time waiting for time to pass, yet wasting that time longing for more time.  It is a vicious, painful cycle that gets me every time.

I wait for fall shows to air, but when they do, I beg time to go slower so I get more moments with Chuck and Blair, in the romance of the century.  But no, time just won't cooperate.

I think the real problem is, time and I lack a certain level of understanding.  I want time to let me forget the past, and slow the future, but time just wants to tick away like its nobody's business.

So, as my summer ends and I resume my post as Bobbi Noodle, I just ask time this one little favor: either rewind three months or fast forward ten, or whatever you do, just don't stand still.